Since the verdict in the Zimmerman/Martin case, I have had a very heavy heart. A young boy was needlessly killed. A mother and father have no justice for their son. The man who took Trayvon's life shows absolutely no regret, no remorse. Another young Black man is gone and people, or society, or both, do not see to value this loss of life in any way. Yet other voices have emerged and these are the ones to whom I am paying very close attention - the parents of young Black children, most specifically, young Black boys. Why? Because they hold and pass down the painful lessons of history. They have the collective, hard-earned, not-wanted knowledge of what it takes to survive as a Black boy, young adult, man in this American society. Mind you, I am saving every article, every blog, every list of what I need to tell my young Black son. I need to study, memorize, learn, talk to the experts - Black parents - because I am a White mom. If my son were White, I would have the privilege of not worrying every time he left the house that he might not come back. Here is some of what I have learned.
- do not run if approached by police. Then again, as Charles Blow of the NYT explained, not running may cost you, as it did in Trayvon's case. You can read his painful account of how the system failed here http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/16/opinion/the-whole-system-failed.html?_r=1&
- be respectful while speaking to the police even if they are not respectful of you
- call me immediately if you are stopped by the police and leave the phone on/connected even if we are not talking
- keep your hands visible at all times
- do not reach into your pockets, glove compartment or anything else without explaining what you are doing
- dress appropriately
- do not raise your voice unless you are calling for help
- be wary of objects in your hands that might be construed, mistaken, taken, imagined, visualized as a weapon, like the above mentioned phone
- Be cautious about where you are and what you are doing after dark, even if it's walking home after debate team practice
This is all so scary. My son is not yet 4, and learning about police as people who are here to help you, people you should trust. It's going to be a fine line teaching him about walking in neighborhoods where he might not be seen as "belonging." People question my decision to move out of my predominantly White neighborhood. "It has great schools!" they exclaim. That's nice. But with an overall Black population of just 4%, how long will it take for my son to comprehend that people will always view him as an outsider in his own neighborhood. How long before someone calls the police because they see a "suspicious Black man" walking in a residential area? My "little" guy is already over 3 & 1/2 feet tall. How tall, how big will he be when he is 12, 15 18?
Some will say I am over-reacting. The silence of my family and some friends since the verdict has been painful at best. But I need to do whatever it takes to provide my son with the tools he needs to survive in a world that sees him not as a young man of potential, but as a young threatening man, I don;t think I have ever felt so inadequate as a parent as I do right now. The system and society are failing young men of color every day. I cannot fail my son.
