10 Years & Counting

This past week I attended the Staff Recognition Lunch for those who have been with my University for 10, 20, 30, 40 and yes, 50 years! At first I didn't want to attend but I changed my mind mainly because a) I thought it would look bad if I didn't attend, b) I was getting a free lunch, and c) I might also get a free umbrella. Hey, umbrellas are handy, you can never have enough. Plus I thought I never, ever actually stay 10 years when I was hired, well, 10.5 years ago. Go figure.

My first hint that this was a BIG DEAL came as I watched a bus from another campus unload. Then there was the line of people waiting to check in. It was really lovely, yes, I did get an umbrella (plus a nifty tote bag) and yes, there were 4 people recognized for 50 years of service. But I got something else out of this event (besides the best chocolate cake EVER). It was the chance to think about the last 10 years of my life and what has happened. So here is a very brief run-down of the last 10.5 years of my life.

Got married (really 12 years ago but it's pertinent).
Tried to get pregnant.
Went to Hawaii.
Earned my PhD.
Got pregnant.
Went to the Grand Canyon.
Had a miscarriage.
Got divorced.
Moved into an apartment & lived all by myself for the first time ever (did I mention I was 38 at the time?)
Moved into my director's position after she was let go. All the glory, none of the money.
Trained for and finished my first and only sprint triathlon.
Fell in love.
Started the adoption process.
Visited the Iowa State Fair (epic - everyone should go once).
Moved again into a house with a housemate.
Travelled to Nicaragua for the 1st time.
Became single - again.
Became a mother in 6 hours (phone call at 12:30 p.m. Baby staring at me from dining room table at 6:30 p.m.)
Became seriously sleep deprived.
Became a single working mother.
Bought my first new car in 11.5 years (boy did those things get fancy).
Got a new housemate.
Celebrated my son's first birthday and my survival.
Went back to Nicaragua with my son.
Joined Twitter.
Got a new housemate.
Survived the holidays.
Went back to Nicaragua without my son and had a panic attack on a volcanic crater.
Went to my first (and possibly last) Sesame Street Live show.
Dyed Easter eggs for the first time in decades.
Taught more classes than I can believe.
Attempted Internet dating.

It looks funny written all down and this was just the basics. Lots of gory details were omitted like ER visits, projectile vomiting,  and the occasional "feeling like a total failure as a mother" fit. Ten years is a long moment in time. I don't know if I could have predicted much of anything listed above 10.5 years ago. Don't know if I would have wanted to. I like to believe I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Climate Control for your Vagina!

I completely understand that "feminine hygiene" products (code for pads & tampons because we know how much more pleasant feminine hygiene sounds) have evolved over the decades since I first got my period. I have even appreciated some of these advances like the thin maxi pad and the individually wrapped maxi pad. I was overjoyed when using a maxi pad no longer felt like having a twin mattress adhesed to my bikini underwear (back when I could get away with bikini underwear). I consider myself blessed to have escaped the years when a pad actually had long tabs and you wore a belt to which you attached the tabs. That does not sound comfortable. I have been perplexed by pads with tabs, pads with wings, overnight pads, and even pads shaped for a thong. I swear I saw one with a bib once but I may have been hallucinating while being sleep deprived at home with my infant son.  I have been outraged as the size of pads got smaller, the price went up and the quantity in each bag went down. But never, ever, in my 31 years of Aunt Flow from Red Bank, the red menace, that time of the month, my friend, my monthly, or menstruation did I ever think that my vagina would need climate control compliments of my thin maxi pad. Yes, you read that right. The last time I had my period, which thanks to the Pill is only every now and again, I casually reached for the bag of pads only to notice that - gasp! my pad of choice also offers me "thermo control." Apparently, this very pad which also promises me "super absorbency" can also keep me, or really my vagina, dry, cool and comfortable! Wow! Who new that my menstruating vagina needed an HVAC system! How have I lived up until now without a dry, cool, and comfortable vagina? I have visions of my vaginal temperature spiking and a small, whirring fan blowing cool, dry air to bring it back to a cool, dry and comfortable state. It boggles my mind when I think of the possibilities of what might follow this amazing and completely unnecessary development. Perhaps my pads will someday have a timing device that will sound a vaguely pleasant but still attention getting alarm, alerting me it's time to change my pad? Or maybe I can get an app for my phone that will signal changing time or a spike in vaginal temperature? Wait, I don't have a smart phone so that would be a waste. Anywho, I just thought that women everywhere would want to know about this latest "feminine hygiene technology" because God knows, there are not enough people out there telling us what to do with our vaginas (note: spellcheck on my blog site just alerted me that vaginas - vagina plural is not recognized). Why not manage vaginal climate too?