Talking to My Black Son

Most parents worry about having "the talk" with their kids - you know, sex. What will I say? Do I use pictures? What if they ask me how old I was when I had sex the first time? What if they ask me about anal sex? The list goes on and on. Me, I don't worry about the sex talk. That's cake to me - I'm a sex educator. Easy-peasey, nice and easy.

The "talk" that terrifies me? Talking to my Black son about being a target, being profiled, being stopped by the police for standing on a street corner, driving while Black, or "looking suspicious." Talking to him about trusting/not trusting, respecting, suspecting the people charged with protecting all of us. Talking to him about people who might look at him suspiciously when he walks into a store. People who cross the street when they see him walking toward them, women who clutch their purses close, or look anxiously behind themselves when they realize he might be walking behind them. People, women, police, men, store clerks, etc. who look like me - White people. I understand that even people of color may look at my son with suspicion. Why? Because when I look at my boy, my heart that walks outside of my body, my joy, and the best thing that has ever graced my life, I see potential, beauty, love and strength. What do they see? A young Black man - a threat.

Since the killing of Trayvon Martin I have been thinking, mulling, panicking, and crying. My son is 2.5 years old. Yet I am thinking about when he s 12-14 years old - most likely a tall boy who looks older than his age. Maybe he'll be hanging out with his friends, goofing off when someone complains that they are scared of this bunch of kids outside their house, their store, their restaurant. Maybe he'll have his cell phone in his hand, or a bag of Skittles. What will happen then?

I have watched almost every video, listened to the 911 call, read every article and blog post. I understand that Trayvon's killing is NOT an anomaly, it is more normal, even common, than anyone wants to think. That Black moms have worried for centuries when their sons are away from their home. That they have had to give them guidance about how to act, react, respond when they are stopped, confronted, questioned, detained, and arrested.

All of it combines for me into one huge questionable doubt for me - the White mom of a Black son. Can I even begin to prepare my son for the reality that awaits him? A persistent, malignant racism that targets him as Public Enemy #1?  My son, my heart, my joy, the best grace of my life. If yes, how?