Fear: Revisited

Reverb Day 13: What Scared You More Than Anything Else

My son turned 2 this year and it has terrified me since the actual birthday. Why? Aren't birthdays supposed to be all happy and jolly and all that stuff? Well, his birthday was happy, etc. Yet I was absolutely overwhelmed by the fact that this small little person, who came to me so suddenly at 4 weeks old and a few hours notice, was now 2. How did this happen so quickly? He walks, talks, points with his middle fingers, counts, sings his ABC's and I am not ready. We are speeding towards 3 at a breakneck speed and I am not ready to lose this baby of mine. I am terrified I will forget how the back his neck feels so soft, how he likes to have his toes kissed, or how he holds my hand so tightly. Before I know it he is going to smell like a sweaty boy, will no longer blow me kisses good night and won't want to even hold my hand. Before I know it we'll be having "the talk" as we shuffle from one sport or activity to the next. Before I know it my baby boy will be a man and this scares me spitless. I am paddling furiously trying to keep up and be the BEST MOM EVER all the while convinced I am actually the WORST MOM EVER.

So what have I learned? I need to stop worrying about the tomorrows that have not arrived yet. I need to stop focusing on the fear and relish every minute I have wit him. I need to tune into his laughter. I need to drop the darn laundry and build tunnels and bridges out of the coolest block set ever. I need to simply BE with my Bug, this child who made me a mother. I need to simply be.